I Have Cool Whip on Coffee

Trashy Lingerie did not work out. I'm not a sales girl. I believe... I think I'm an admin girl. I just love that shit. I love to organize. I even LOVE paperwork! Wha??

I am SO SO SO SO excited... I have an interview with Brand New School, on Monday. Oh my Lordy. I worked at BNS about... when I was 26 (thru) 28. It was a very warm place to be. In fact, it was the job by which I've measured all other jobs, subsequently. I am SO SO SO SO excited... have I mentioned that?

I generally don't post things like this, but I sure liked ziiss one...

I got this link in an Etsy email today. Such lovely necklaces. Even lovelier pictures. I think I'll try a longer piece soon. And how about THIS adorable offering!!! Why do I want a whole collection of these? I don't know and don't care. I would just like a big ole scoop...

I'm moving back to The Miracle Mile. Yet another thing I'm SO SO SO excited about. Aah... so many things to feel blessed over... By the way, incredibly, I worked in the second-tallest, white building, in the Miracle Mile link.

And wow! Here is the building again! I knew it was old, but I've never seen a super old picture of it. It's the building on the right... Desmonds. I worked on the... 4th(?) floor, in a cool loft.

And holy shit! Here it is again!! The tallest white building in the background. I didn't know it was so prominent!

Coconut M&M's

I got a bag of these today, on a whim. Dear JEEBUS they were astonishingly great. Like a crispy Mounds candy. I know this is banal information, but... well... I do love a good candy.

I also felt a little sad about something today, so talking about awesome candy seemed like a lot of fun. Alternately, feeling/typing sad things about a scenario, seemed like boo.




This is the prettiest, brightest tattoo I've seen in a long while. Courtesy of Fuck Yeah Tattoos. I am so very picky about ink, but I do love this one. Oh!

Ps- I start my new job tomorrow! Woo!

Ex-neighbor, Current Friend

My girlfriend, who is a Script Supervisor, started this cute idea for a blog. It's her adventures with a little toy Wall-e. The blog is super short and she takes great pics. Fun to see what an outdoors-ey, adventuresome Script Soup gets ups to, in my opinion.

Cuh-yoot!

Trashy

I got hired at Trashy Lingerie. I'm STOKED. Every job I've ever gotten... that really mattered... I got with EASE. Like CRAZY ease. For example- I worked at Brand New School for about two years. When I saw they were hiring (I didn't even know who they were), I faxed them my resume (this was about seven years ago, when people faxed a lot more). As I was taking my fax plug out of the wall and putting my phone cord back in the jack, my phone was LITERALLY RINGING with them calling me to set up an interview. I had the job in two days.

Trashy was similar.

I wrote to them at their INFO ADDRESS, asking if they were hiring. Truly not expecting to hear from them. They wrote back the next morning, I emailed my resume, the following morning I had an interview AT WHICH I GOT HIRED FOR THE JOB. AT THE FREAKING INTERVIEW!! Now, THAT'S a first, for me. This is Los Angeles, yo! Home of five million bazillion out-of-work actors, trying to get jobs! It rocked to be coming home from the interview like- I'M HIRED!!!

I'm stoked on Trashy Lingerie because they're stoked on chicks who look like me. Hey... fact is, I've made a specific choice in my life. The choice to be (semi) heavily tattooed (depending on your perspective. I think Kat Von D is heavily tattooed, which makes me semi-heavily). And well... I'm never going to work in a "corporate" environment. I don't look like a girl who you'd see in a business suit. I have a pierced nose, I like my makeup wild and I have blond streaks in my (sometimes wild) hair. I like this look. I'm happiest when I'm so colorful.




Models like Sabina here, can be found on the Trashy website. This, to me, is beauty. This, to me, is a WOMAN. I like the idea of working for a place that thinks this is incredibly sexy. I like the idea of working for a place that sells clothing to excite your lover... or whomever you're trying to excite. Strangers in an audience, or people on the street as you're dressed in one of their sexy Halloween costumes. I like the idea of working somewhere sex... and more specifically my brand of sexy, is the name of the game. I have high hopes about this job.

I start Monday!

I am Loving This Girl- xSparkage

This little, adorable gal was mentioned in this month's Elle. I checked out her videos and WOW. What a spectacularly talented woman.



She goes by the moniker "xSparkage" and she's a phenomenal makeup artist. I watched video after video of hers, kind of transfixed by her manner of speech, ease of makeup application and incredible creativity. Her YouTube page is full of amazing eyeshadow ideas (if you're adventurous!) and she's seemingly quite knowledgeable about every part of the eye (in order to instruct best). She also knows crazy amounts about brushes, foundations, eyeliners, different types of shadows, how to achieve specific looks and all kinds of makeup lines. It kind of turns into a Bob Ross type of thing, after enough tutorials. What a treat...

Purdy Fun

Sprinkles Cupcakes has a van.

I think Sprinkles are fine. I'm a cupcake obsessor, so I'm picky. I've had Sprinkles on two occasions and think they're... they're nice? tasting. However, I don't want "nice" tasting treats.

Sprinkles are sweet and fun... definitely exquisitely beautiful. Some people are BANANAS for Sprinkles, which says to me that maybe I'm missing something. Or that I simply have a different appetite for tiny-cakes, than others.

My favorite of all time is Crumbs.

Their icing comes in nearly equal quantity, to the cake. I love me some icing, so that's just right for moi. I don't mind in the least, having to eat my cupcake in two servings. Crumbs also comes with a squishy, icing-filled middle. Sometimes mousse filled! And lastly, Crumbs cakes have really interesting flavors like...

Artie Lange

The Artie Lange cupcake was created by Artie himself... Vanilla cake with chocolate fudge filling, topped with vanilla cream cheese frosting and a layer of chocolate fondant rimmed with chocolate and vanilla sprinkles.

Caramel Apple

Moist apple cinnamon cake filled with homemade applesauce and frosted with our signature vanilla cream cheese, drizzled with rich caramel.

And my absolute fave...

Pistachio

Vanilla cake filled and frosted with pistachio cream cheese giving this cupcake a beautiful green color and rimmed with crushed pistachio nuts.

At any rate, a truck full of cupcakes, driving around the city, pawning them to sugar lovers, sounds like a sweet idea to me, regardless of cake-to-icing ratio. Yay treat truck! Now if only there were a Big Salad truck. I'd never eat out again.

Hula's Birthday Party!

Hula had a party. It was FANTASTIC. Sincerely, one of the funniest times I've ever had. FUNNIEST... not funnest. Well, funnest too, but MAXIMUM FUNNY.

Hula is happy to see Sela.

It started calmly with Sela's beautiful and sweet, sweet party tray. A picnic on the lawn! Who could ask for more? Then on to a piece of (homemade dog-safe) cake, eaten like a lady. Who is the lady? Hula is the lady.

She pretty much couldn't believe the whole piece was for her. I could tell by the way she ate it. Kind of like... expecting me to go "no!" at any moment...

Then... the masses came. There were four doggies walking by and I shouted out to their owners... we have cake safe for dogs! Would your doggies like some?

And then... THEY OPENED FIRE.

It started calmly... (check pooch's approach in the right corner... what's that you're eating? A human cracker with pesto spread? Yeah, that's probably not for you.)

Then Chubb-Master Min-Pin came... and they turned into a pack of piranhas. It was UNREAL. Crumbs were FLYING and their owners were standing calmly by saying things like "oh, how old is your dog?" Do you see the knife in the above picture? I literally pulled the knife out of Min Pin's mouth, he was so out-of-his-caking-mind.

After they murdered the cake, they went on to other bits of the picnic while their owners continued to make idle chitchat. Now... I don't mean to suggest that I was getting irritated. In fact, I was in hysterics. Laughing harder than I had in a long while. I was mystified by the unfoldings...

SERIOUS Dachshund cake-face.

"WE ARE A ROWDY BUNCH!"

After the insanity calmed, one of the puppies went over to the corner to puke. I don't think it could have been a funnier time if a team of Jewish comics wrote the sketch. My head ached from laughing that hard for that long.

The wreckage...

3/4 of a cake... devoured in 1.3 minutes!

Don't F with this knife.

"Auntie Sela... I lick you!"

"Dear God! What just happened?!"

Lookit Hula's little paw on Sela's leg!

Happy Birthday Hula

The human version of this cake. It's chocolate frosting. Not for puppy dogs!

I BAKED A DOG CAKE!! Here's the recipe:

1 cup white or whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 cup shredded carrots
1 tsp vanilla
1/3 cup honey
1 egg

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350°F (180°C)

Mix together flour and baking soda. Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Pour into a ring mold sprayed with a nonstick spray for 40 minutes.

As for the dog-friendly frosting I used neufatchel cheese (just like lite cream cheese. You can completely substitute one for the other), some honey and a wee bit of vanilla. After putting it in the fridge, it dried out a little bit and cracked. However, that was easily remedied by wetting a knife (to give it some lubrication) and running it over the dried out parts.

I can't wait to celebrate!

As far as the cake taste- It's completely delicious for humans, as well! I had a piece of the chocolate-frosted version, this morning and it was a great breakfast. The cake itself is very un-sweet, due to... well... lack of sweeteners in it. However, the amount of peanut butter really gives it a great flavor. I can't recommend this fun activity, more!

Keeping Hope Alive

On MSNBC this morning, there was a photographer reporting from the trenches of Ike.  She was doing a phone report as they played a reel of her pictures.  Of COURSE they were all terribly sad shots of desperate scenarios.  Heart breaking to behold, especially in the peace of my downtown L.A. apartment.  

Among the pictures was a family carrying their most important belongings, being ushered to a safer place to stay while relief efforts were being deployed (well... what relief is being offered.  It hurts to even imagine the agony of what relief they're NOT getting at this point).  Incredibly, among the belongings being carried (so, so few) was a huge, framed picture of Tupac.  The boy carrying it was holding it in front of him, using two hands, resting it against his hips.  This awkward and seemingly ridiculous item was one of the few things he grabbed for his immediate survival.  

I felt very moved by that.  The fact that a simple picture of an artist... someone who makes music this person is surely empowered by, was this boy's necissity.  THAT'S HOW MUCH Tupac- a rapper- means to this person.  THAT'S HOW MUCH art is capable of changing a person on the rawest level.  Enough to influence their will to survive.

Now- on a side note, I am a Tupac WORSHIPER.  I think he's one of the most brilliant rappers who ever lived.  Some of the choices he makes in his lyrics and melodies are almost mystifying.  It's not Tupac I'm focusing on, here.  It's how much art can change you.  Change you to the point at which just a PICTURE of the artist you love, inspires you to survive.  Literally survive.

Slightly Mystified

I quickly had to drop this post- I turned on my TV this morning to find Scooby Doo, on Cartoon Network.  The Gang was in the midst of a crazy caper... scrambling after ghosts of some sort or running around after sandwiches.  So imagine my surprise when I realized the song they were montaging (not a word) over was I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You, by none other than The Ramones.

WHO was in charge of procuring the music for that episode!?  And HOW does Scooby Doo, at THIS POINT, have that kind of budget?

Love it.

Gratitude

I was deeply- yes, deeply touched to find that a sweet, new friend, had read my blog with fever.  I literally type this blog and imagine it never being seen.  Mostly I type for posterity, or to get the poison out.  It works most of the time.

Reading back over some of the rawest posts I've made, I feel tremendous gratitude.  The darkest of days are SO CLOSE behind and yet I feel unimaginably different, today.  Therapy never stops helping.  It literally never stops helping.  Scarily, I didn't even... couldn't even bring myself to type during the darkest, pitch-blackest times.  My fingers passing over keys, felt like lifting little lead pipes.  Exhausting to imagine doing and quite impossible to do.  Thank you God for the change in me.  Thank you God for relief.

I didn't deal with the passing of my mother.  I pushed it all under a mountain of starvation (literally) and chose to burn my agony in the furnace of being forever hungry.  Again, literally, forever hungry.  I stopped putting food in my mouth and made fire.  A fire into which I pushed all things unbearable.  Immolated they became, in the name of psyche-survival.  It was fine.  I needed to deal in that manner.  I'll post, some day, about my thinness. 

I guess this is a post of thanks.  Thanks to God for being a guide for me.  Thanks to my therapist for following her heart (career wise) and then saving mine.  Thanks to sweet friends who care to pass by and ingest these words.  And thanks to the Universe for guiding me through the power of instinct.  Everything feels so much right-er these days.  

I am so lucky... so lucky.

Lily.

The beautiful, preliminary drawing, with Sharpies. It felt tickly and sweet, as he drew on me. First time he'd begun this way. We always have a drawing and then a transfer, but when you're passing over another tattoo, sometimes artists use this method.

The outline, which is always the most painful. Scientifically, I'm not entirely sure why. As the tattoo progresses, it's kind of like... evolution of the pain acceptance? Like your body gets used to the sensation and the pain is less prominent. You can see my other lily in the new lily. See how it's being swallowed. It's ever so faint. I told James "It's like my new lily is having a dream about another, softer lily."

The time-lapse pictures make it all look so easy. The most brilliant thing I think he did, was where the smoke is swirling around the stem, he left the whisper of the prior tattoo's green. Like the smoke is swirling around and obscuring the vibrant stem and that affect is reached by leaving the faintness of the previous green. Can you understand what I mean? He really is, in my opinion, a BRILLIANT ARTIST.

Lily in b/w, braids.

Exchange

you know what, xxx? it's fucking black over here. this might be an impossibly ridiculous space on which to effuse, but i just don't fucking care anymore. i'm drowning.

it's astonishing to me that something can seem so thick and overwhelming, you can't conceive of a worse moment and then... you go to bed, wake up and it's actually worse.

it'll all change. everything does. but i'm suffocating right now.

sometimes i just think of my friends who are doing really well and i just kind of pray about them. i don't know how to make the darkness go away, but that helps sometimes. you're one of those friends. i mean- musically. i don't really know you or what you feel, but i think really pure, good things about your shows and your success.

i can't believe, seriously, i'm about to press 'send,' but i'm about to press send.

REPLY

i feel you...

everything has been crazy for me lately, but at the same time i've felt extremely lonely and depressed...

i'm still dealing with a lot of feelings from my xxx...

i'm glad i'm busy, it takes me away from dwelling on everything

FOLLOW

i usually get scared when i type cryptic shit like that, to people. but i can tell it sucks enough right now, because i seriously didn't care when i sent it. i just thought- fuck it. if he thinks i'm a freak, fuck it.

i see that you're pulled in different places, regarding xxx. i've told you- i see your updates and they read like someone who is feeling extremes.

i don't know if being busy or being exactly the opposite, helps it stop. i know one day, things will just feel different. i also know that one of the most maddening sensations i've ever come across, is having a festering, open sore that you can't treat. that you just have to watch, from a distant part of your body, grow infected, weep, heal slightly, split back open, scab... that you just have to watch change. watch and FEEL change. sometimes it's like worms or tar. sometimes it's like sulfuric acid. sometimes i feel like an animal caught in trap jaws or like the avenues of my brain tissue are infected. with bugs or devils.

there's this Cage song with a movie clip sample that says "people say his brain was infected by devils." sometimes i just sing that part over and over in my head.

this is gross.